Subject Swap: Teenage Love

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 16 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My topic this month:

One will love you unconditionally, but you can never be with them.
One will be with you forever, but can never love you.
It was submitted by: Someone Else’s Genius

Ready? Let’s go:

Teenage angst is hard. Really hard. When you decide that you’re in love with “the one,” and you’re only fifteen years old, there is no one who can tell you otherwise. No one can convince you that you’re crazy. No one can get through to you about the inevitability of a breakup. No one can talk any sense to you.

And why should they? At fifteen years old, the world makes perfect sense. You’re nearing the end of your younger education years. You’re on the cusp of freedom from your parents and teachers. You’re about to get your driver’s license, and you can just  smell the drive-thrus, late movies with popcorn, and open windows you’ll be able to enjoy once out from under the thumb of your controlling parents.

Then, you meet “the one.” He’s cute. He might be a little dorky, but he’s nice. He pays attention to you and tells you that you’re beautiful. He tells you that you’re the smartest and prettiest girl he’s ever met. You’re hooked. Your friends try to tell you that he’ll never be a good boyfriend, but the old cliche is correct: love is blind.

To you, he’s absolutely perfect. He gives you the lump in your throat every time he tells you bye when that last bell rings. Waiting for his phone call or texts makes your heart skip 1,000 beats. Doodling his name in hearts overtakes the history homework you were supposed to finish so you and your group could complete your project.

It goes on like this for months. You are enraptured by him, and there is no way to break free. You don’t need to break free. Because he’s perfect.

Until he isn’t.

Now, he’s telling you who you can talk to. He’s determining what you wear each day. He’s asking you hundreds of questions as he doubts your honesty. And you know that you aren’t lying. But now, you’re even questioning yourself. Did you tell the whole truth? Did you tweak it just a bit so that he wouldn’t get angry?

You begin to lose pieces of yourself. You no longer listen to your favorite music. You haven’t talked to your best friend on the phone in a long time, and any time she tries to talk to you in the hall, you smile weakly as he pulls you away.

Unfortunately, you don’t see it. But everyone else does. Your teachers are even concerned and try to keep you after class to talk about things. You just run out the door — completely oblivious to the slow loss of who you are.

Then one day, after a group meeting in history class has taken longer than you anticipated and you’re running out the door to find him, you are brought up short at the sight of him talking to another girl. And they aren’t just talking. They are leaning into each other in a way that you don’t lean into that nice, quiet boy who sits next to you in history class. You stop and watch for a moment before he looks up and sees you. Now, as the other girl walks away, he glares at you and gets angry because you’re late. Never mind the fact that the girl is waving at him with a sly grin. Never mind that she is holding a piece of paper in her hand that holds his phone number.

Instead, you’re worried that he’s so angry with you. And you find yourself sinking further into yourself as you try to appease him. Trying to make him happy so you won’t feel so worthless.

Days pass and things seem to get better. He’s still reminding you of your offense. You shouldn’t be late to meet him. You shouldn’t talk to the boy in history. You shouldn’t leave the table at lunch to ask anyone a question. But, he’s back to telling you how beautiful you are, so that makes everything okay.

Until you arrive earlier to school than normal one day and find him and that girl talking again. They don’t see you as you approach. They’re sitting on a bench in the commons area with their arms around one another. And you witness him kiss her on the cheek. Then the nose. Then, the lips.

Your heart stops. Not just skipping beats but literally stopping in your chest. You can’t breathe. Your entire vision is clouded by jealousy. Fear. Anger. Sadness.

Instead of doing anything at that moment, you hurry to your first class. You try to find your best friend. But she’s too busy talking to her other friends. Too many weeks of ignoring her and choosing him instead has wedged a gap between you two, and your friendship flounders. You wave in a small way; she notices.

After class, you hurry to get into the hall to see him, hopeful that he’ll notice you. He does. He’s angry again. Angry at you for not finding him before school. Angry at you for questioning his conversation with that girl. Angry at you for having a mind of your own.

Your best friend is behind you watching the entire ordeal. As he storms away from you and your deflated ego, your best friend slips her arm into the crook of yours. She jolts you back to reality and asks you to walk to class with her.

That night, he doesn’t call. You try to call him. Try to text him. No answers. It continues like this for almost a week. So you stop trying. He no longer shows up after class. You can’t find him before school. You stop looking.

You begin to rediscover the loves you had before he shoved himself into your existence. The radio is playing songs you haven’t heard in forever. Your best friend is sitting with you at lunch. That boy in history class is actually pretty sweet. Your old self is starting to creep back into place.

And then, after history almost a month later, he shows up again. Demanding that you walk with him. Trying to hold your hand.

Somehow, magically, you find it within yourself to tell him, “No thanks.” You smile at that boy from history class and have a new friend to walk with for the next period.

He’s fuming behind you. For the next week, he continues to try to make you feel worthless. No one could ever find you as beautiful as he does. No one will ever treat you as sweetly as he does.

But this time, you see through the facade.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado
The Momisodes
The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
Stacy Sews and Schools
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Spatulas on Parade
Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
Southern Belle Charm
The Angrivated Mom
Confessions of a part time working mom
The Lieber Family Blog
The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
Someone Else’s Genius
House of J Chronicles
Climaxed

Tags: relationships, subject swap, teenagers