No one wears the pants in this house
There are memes and other images I’ve seen circling Facebook and other parts of the Interwebs. Most, I laugh at or just shake my head about. But then I saw this one and had all sorts of thoughts:
While I do understand that we, as wives and mothers, are called to obey Christ and obey our husbands, I truly think that it’s more than this. I don’t believe I’m supposed to take a submissive role in my marriage.
In our house, no one wears the metaphorical pants. Yes, we wear pants — you know what I mean. Aaron and I make decisions together. There are times when he “puts his foot down” — like the time I told him I was going to work up to my due date with the Animal as I huffed, puffed, and cried my way through many days. I quit working a month ahead. Why did I listen? Because sometimes it takes another person to talk some sense in to you.
There are also times when I put my foot down. Sometimes, it’s okay for him to skip a day of lifting hundreds of pounds when his back is hurting. It’s okay to take some time off. (I’m also noticing a trend here — he and I both tend to push ourselves.) I’ve also had to voice my very strong opinion about the choice in some purchases for our home. And why does he listen? Because he chose me as a partner, his best friend, his wife.
It is true that Ephesians 5: 22-24 says, “22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
But it is also true that the verse right before says, “21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
We could bicker back and forth about what exactly these verses mean and out of what context and time period they were written. It begs the question of whether or not these verses would be the same if written today in our society.
With that in mind, I think about the women who are single moms. I’ve been there and done that. So, where in this image would I have fallen? With no husband to fit into the puzzle, I was left to protect and provide for my family. I was also left to manage my child and household — alone. Did that mean I was doing something wrong and not serving the Lord?
Today, I have a Christ-loving husband who provides for us and protects us. But I also provide, and I also protect. Unless we’re talking about bugs and mowing the lawn — then Aaron is totally in charge.
What say you? Do you agree with this sentiment that women are in this smallest umbrella and left to only manage the household and children? Do you feel like we are being too literal with the translation of the verses? Or maybe I’m shifting the meaning for my own purpose? I’d love to hear you sound off in the comments.
I agree with you that marriage is a give and take. There are things I am more in charge of and things Ken takes the lead on, but for the most part we discuss things and work together on decisions.
PS Glad you finished this one! 😉
I am so delighted to learn you are a Christian.Your openness is very Refresshing and Yes there is a spiritual order to our homes it is just not understood by many.A true Godly biblical husband is Sacrificial and Unselfish … ” Love your wives as Christ loved the church” Think about what that means.so it’s not about barking orders it’ about Leadership and Sacrifice and that is a Huge resposibility that can Only be accomplished by an Intimate relationship with the Saviour.And we are Co-Heirs with Christ .May His mercies that are New Every Morning embrace you this day!
Thank you so much! Glad to have you here!
I am so grateful to have bumped into your website! I can relate to a lot of what you write. I am looking forward to being inspired by you. Bless you!
This post was an interesting read to me. I, too, am married to an Aaron so when I use his name in this comment, don’t be confused. 🙂 Before Aaron & I married we had to have a LONG conversation about submission and just what my role is supposed to be. I had been a single mom, too – for 18 years. That’s a LONG time to be “in charge” and to go from that to submitting to my husband wasn’t an overnight success. I had to trust him to have our family’s best interest at heart and that took a while, too. Our relationship sounds a lot like yours – Aaron always takes my opinion into account and he knows I’m going to make decisions on occasion when he’s not available and he stands behind those decisions when I do it – even if it’s not what he would do. When that “submission” comes into focus for us is when there is a “major” decision and we disagree on the course of action. That hasn’t happened more than twice in our 9 years of marriage but I also know, each time I do it, I can trust Aaron’s decision to be well considered, well prayed over and he is moving forward how he believes God wants us to go. The example I can share – I was offered a position about 3 years into our marriage I really, really, really wanted. The work wasn’t of a different scope than what I was already doing but the job itself (with our church) intrigued me. When I was offered the job, I gave Aaron all of the information, I told him why I wanted the job and why I thought it would be good for me (notice I said good for me…) and then told him to take the weekend, pray it over, ask questions, etc. but come Sunday he needed to let me know if I could say yes or no and if the answer was no, I would be disappointed but I wouldn’t argue and I’d never throw an “I told you so” back at him. Well, it was a no and I was disappointed but it didn’t take too long after that decision for God to show me WHY it was a no, that no was the best answer and He honored my decision to submit to my husband. Additionally? It took Aaron’s & my relationship to an even deeper place of trust and respect. See – I am wife #3 for Aaron. Both of his previous wives committed adultery & left him for other men. That I trusted him to go to God, to not say “no” out of spite and to make that decision was huge to him. Huge. And the 2nd one was just as big (but I’ve already typed a book). For us, we are side by side partners – equally working to make this family a strong, God loving and fearing family – raising our son to hopefully be the same. However – if it comes to a major life decision and we can’t see eye to eye, I am my husband’s “help meet” and I will do the same each time – I will present my side and I will leave the decision in his hands and respect it, whatever it is. I just hope God doesn’t throw too many of those at us…. 🙂
Your response made my heart feel good. Happy to know that there is someone else out there with a fabulous Aaron to brag about. I see your point, too. In the long run, when the big decisions have to be made in our house, we hear each other out. We haven’t really had a moment where one of us felt so strongly about something that the other felt questioned. Thank you so much for stopping by and chiming in!