I Disappeared
I’m struggling. I say this a lot, and I’m fully aware that I sound like a broken record. But, you guys, I’m struggling.
A few months ago, I came out strong with this, “I will defeat the unhealthy habits that have taken me prisoner RAWR” attitude. And then I quickly (and with much humility) fell off the wagon.
The end of my summer melted in to a pool of confusion and adulting. It was in those last few weeks of summer freedom with my family that I found myself questioning much of what I thought I knew of who I was as a person and the relationships I had with key figures in my life. I had some very difficult conversations, and I really had to come to grips with the fact that I am a full grown adult. You’d figure by 38, I would have already had this under control. I didn’t.
This spilled in to the beginning of the school year. New students. New responsibilities. New challenges. We had a middle schooler and a kindergartner. We have a preschooler going five days a week and a toddler staying home. Then, the toddler began to fight her morning nap which was a built in hour-of-my-work time that I was facing as a loss.
So what have I done? Not much. I’ve tried to eat better, but I generally find myself barely eating and then starving by my afternoon low point. And so I go on the hunt for anything chocolate or easy-to-eat.
I started walking 2 miles a day with Baby Diva. She is a great walking partner while she munches on some cereal or sings to me. Ignoring my self-conscious feelings, I played music loud and proud so we could dance and get our groove on.
Two weeks in to doing this, I woke up in such excruciating pain that I finally let my sister and brother-in-law take me to the ER. I had a kidney stone.
Needless to say, this stopped my 2 miles a day walk for about a week.
Last week, I only missed one morning. I’m trying really hard to get out of my funk, and I was able to escape for a bit this past weekend with a tribe of girl friends. It helped re-energize my spirit and give me a little perspective.
I disappeared for a while. But I’m not going anywhere. If you are willing, I’d love a little kick in the pants here and there to remind me that even though it’s slow-going, the progress will be made.
Having a community always makes the journey easier. To those of you who have supported me throughout all my endeavors — both successful and unsuccessful — I thank you.
And to those of you in the same boat: let’s do this. I’m finding that I must take control of my situation because no one else can. No one else can make me eat a healthy breakfast or skip the fast food. No one else can make me drink the water all day instead of a sweet tea. Those are choices this adult must make.
So while I may have disappeared for a while, I’m back. I’m going to tackle this adulting thing head on. Won’t you join me?
Let’s do this! I may or may not have purchased some Halloween fun-size chocolate bars yesterday and hid them from my family…
Life happens! I’m always here to cheer you on and to get your reminders that I need to take control of my own self, too. 😊
Hope you’re feeling much better!
You’re an awesome cheeer leader. Thank you.
You can do it!!! I’m in the same boat (and I’m only post 1 baby😳). We want another baby and I can’t fathom starting out a pregnancy 20 lbs heavier than I started the first one, so that’s my motivation! Find your motivation and although it sounds dumb I put sticky notes up on my fridge and bathroom mirror etc…reminding me to be strong and healthy! I don’t even think it’s about fitting in my skinny jeans anymore, I just want to be the healthiest me, and I know I’m not that at this weight😕 I also have to make a conscious effort to buy healthy EASY to eat food. I’m 2 weeks in and down 4 lbs! Not easy but the best way to be around and active in babies lives is to be diligent about my health NOW!
4 lbs is phenomenal. I need to just work on moving. That’s my biggest struggle!
I disappeared in January, than vanished in June. My head is poking back out of the clouds this week. I’m letting the invisibility cloak dip a bit.
Food, eating is doing ok, i haven’t gained,but i haven’t exercised in months.
Time to climb back into those spandex workout clothes.
I’m glad that you’re poking that head back out a bit!
You can fall off the wagon as many times as you want, as long as you keep getting back on! I’m more than happy to be a virtual support system for you. I’ve found that lots of protein for breakfast and lunch keeps me feeling fuller longer. I bought these high protein snacks at the grocery store. They cheese, nuts, and dried fruit. They really help me make it through the day without snacking.
PS Kidney stones suck. I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy!
You’re right. As long as I keep dusting myself off and getting back up… I need to get those snacks and just have them nearby. But as you know from my recent excitement: they wouldn’t give me the cheese! 🙂
I don’t know about the whole adulting thing, but I can cheer for you
I’ll take it.
Girl, adulting SUCKS. We’re in it together, though, and we will persevere. Solidarity, sister! xo
Solidarity, yes!