Going with the flow

The new family motto these days is, “Whatever works.” Our J turned 5 weeks yesterday, and we’re entering what all the “experts” call his “fussy period.” For Aaron and me, that means that from about 7 pm until baby finally sleeps around 10 or 11, we’re pacing, bouncing, patting, shooshing, swinging, and otherwise doing anything we can think of to keep J happy.

Everything we’ve read says we can’t spoil this little fella at this young of an age. I believe that, too, but then I struggle with my own issue: control. I want so badly to have J on a schedule so that I know (as I did with A, eventually), that I’m going to get a full night’s rest, 3 nap periods of time for me to work, and otherwise happy baby time.

Now, I know it will come. Luckily, I’ve had one kid, so I know that the light at the end of the tunnel does exist. But, woah, when you’re up at 2 am with baby spit up all over you or a crick in your neck from falling asleep while nursing, that light seems so dim.

I love my children. I would and will do ANYTHING for them. Aaron and I are becoming that much closer because of this entire experience. But, I will not lie. I am exhausted and frustrated a good portion of the day. I really want to go to the store or out to dinner without worrying that J will need to eat (we’re still figuring out the bottle). I know that’s selfish and self-centered. I know that these moments with this baby are fleeting, and I should enjoy every one of them. I get all of that. But, anyone who has had a baby and who is truly honest with themselves will agree with me – you know you will and do.

And to my friends who have had twins? Oh my. You are my heroes!

But for now, we’ll go with the flow (which, to be brutally honest again, is quite forceful – you nursing moms totally got that and giggled).