Alone all by myself . . . not really
The man is on a golfing trip, and I’ve had the kids, the pets, and the house all to myself for 3 nights. In the past, when it was just Miss Sassy Pants – who is pretty self-sufficient (as I’m typing this, she’s planning her classroom layout and desk arrangement), I would relish the short opportunity to be by myself at night to watch my stupid girl movies and eat cookies without the grinning “are-you-really-going-to-eat-those” eyes of my man.
But this time, I’m home alone with two kids – the ever independent one and the newly mobile one, and I’m kind of “over” the alone time.
For the few months leading up to this weekend, I’ve been freaking out. One of my inherent problems is that I always make things way worse than they really are. I know this about myself, but I can’t seem to make myself calm down or release the anxiety. Before the man left, I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m happy for you to get to go on your Man trip, but you need to know that I’m already ready for you to be home.”
You see, as much as I like some quiet alone time, I also really love my husband and his company. And I love knowing that he’s going to be home from work in just a couple of hours. I like talking to him. I like hugging on him. I like him.
My husband is awesomely great. And I should know. I’ve experienced the “other side.”
I’m not going to get into an ex-bashing session because, honestly, my ex and I had a lot of fun way back when. We were best friends and found a way to enjoy the majority of our time together. But that relationship ended, and I had to learn to be alone. I had a little baby (Miss Sassy Pants), and I was responsible for all things house, baby, financial, cleaning, and life-related. It wasn’t easy, but I can always look back on that time and realize how much I learned about life and myself.
The biggest thing I learned was that I can survive on my own. I can take out the trash. I can feed the animals. I can fix a car headlight. I can grill meat (unga bunga).
I can do everything I need to do, and I can do it all by myself. I can be the liberated woman. I know I can survive. But I prefer to have this man next to me.
As I said, I like him. Like, I really like him. He’s a good man, a great friend, an awesome father, and a really great grill chef. And after all the mess I endured several years ago, I know that this fella was dropped into my path by Someone who was watching out for me.
My friend, K, and I were talking last night about our firm belief that we are all on a path and that people are introduced onto our path to come and go as we need them. Well, I went all over the place before Aaron’s and my paths crossed. And what a beautiful day that was. Little did I know that on that day in Chili’s, the guy with the awesome blue eyes would become my husband and father of my future children. He also became my absolute best friend – a deeper friendship than I’ve ever had before – because it’s grown-up and real. There’s no drama. There’s no fighting. There are no tears. We’re a grown-up couple. And it’s awesome.
So, while I enjoyed watching Water for Elephants and reading my cheesy book and finishing off the brownies this weekend without him laughing at me, I am super ready for him to be home tonight. I’ve played the alone game before, and I know that while it’s nice to have some “me” time, I’d much rather have my man here. Plus, there’s a full trash can, and I’d rather not be the one to take it out!
